im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
