i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
