I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
