the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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