and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
