im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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