yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
