Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
