If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
