if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
