There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Randomize