my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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