My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
