Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
