You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
