fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
