He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
