i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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