Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize