she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
