careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
