It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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