Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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