i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize