If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
