Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
