My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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