i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
