His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
