lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
im drinking this country out of the recession.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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