It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
