Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
