turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
