So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize