So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
