and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
