I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
