Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
