you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
