Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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