So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize