Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Randomize
