You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
