man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
