I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
