How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
