It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
My ass is underappreciated
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
