I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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