So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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