I am in a vortex of obligation.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
