somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
