all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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