Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
