Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
