so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize