its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
