How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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