it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
