The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
