i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Panties = found
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
