im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
