dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
