i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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