shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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