I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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