ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
